The velvety and voluptuous Nigella Lawson is visiting Australia this week for the filming of the top rating cooking competition series, Master Chef Australia. Today, it was reported, Nigella took some time off for a dip at Bondi, Australia’s most iconic beach.
Although I’m sure many registered surprise, it is likely that I am one of only a relatively small number of Australian women who triggered when they saw this photograph. I suffered a reaction akin to the one I get when I spot some woman in the supermarket sporting a frumpy, homemade cotton frock, ugly lace-up shoes and a ‘head covering’. The culprit generally has a large contingent of similarly clad children trotting obediently behind her. I’m still too close to The Delusion to feel safe around these women; the nearness of an active participant in The Great Abuse is unsettling.
But this was, in its way, much, much worse. Nigella?! What is the meaning of this? Never usually one to conceal her curves, the ‘burqini’ is, at the very least, uncharacteristically modest attire for the self-proclaimed domestic goddess. One journalist hypothesises that Nigella was perhaps taking rather drastic action to protect her English complexion from the Australian autumn sun. Or that she, quite understandably, has no desire to open tomorrow’s paper and see telephoto shots of her lumpy bits.
Dear God, let it be so! If Nigella starts frocking up like a fundy she still strew the world with broken hearts. Including mine.
Acknowlegement: Photo from Matrixpictures.co.uk